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She tried to work out how she herself felt. Thirty years of worshipping a God - thirty years of belief, of devotion, through childhood into adulthood and through the birth of an entire tribe — only to find out now that each time God had manifested himself it had been Ben.The times that 'God' had spoken to her were still very clear in her mind. Until now they had been cherished memories — now she wondered if the discovery that it had been Ben all along changed that.Surprisingly, she found that it didn't. Her motives for trying to get David to sleep with her hadn't been affected all that much by God — that had been more about the fact that she loved David as a man.To her amazement, Beckie realised that she still believed in God, she still believed that there was a higher power, perhaps one that had influenced Ben to act as he did? Her faith and belief were as strong as they ever had been and she rationalised Ben's revelations as all being part of God's grander design. That idea gave her. But the regular afternoon sessions were history; it was too much for me. And I usually took weekends off, although not always; I had the freedom to make my weekend when I chose it to be, and I took advantage of that when it was appropriate—that is, when Lee and I wanted to make plans.And Christmas Day, and Christmas Eve before it, were our time, Lee's and mine. She got me a bottle of the most expensive scotch she could find, Macallan 25-year-old, and a set of Waterford crystal glasses to drink it out of; I savored every drop. I got her a really fine diamond ring as the engagement gift I'd never given her.Our real gift to each other, though, was ... each other. We'd been boyfriend-girlfriend for a long time, had spent a lot of nights together, but we'd never lived together. I'd read in a lot of places that getting married is a really poor idea until you've done that, spent days and nights and weeks and months together to the point that you each know all the other's faults and quirks.
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